Old Wounds, New Growth - Chapter 2

Translator: Deyonna

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Li Chishu is like this: tall and skinny, fair-skinned, quiet and reserved, disciplined and polite, with a subtle underlying sense of inferiority. When studying, teachers would praise him openly for his grades, but behind his back, they would shake their heads and call him a "nerd." He speaks softly to everyone, even saying "sorry" before expressing his anger. In short, he embodies the characteristics of most outstanding left-behind children from traditional Chinese families whose parents are not around.

As for me, my name is Shen Baoshan. Despite my seemingly conceited and irritating way of speaking, I am a serious person.

I was born into a relatively wealthy family, thanks to my dad and mom's good fortune. We had a harmonious family, which was an advantage from birth. My grades were also not bad. In senior high school, Li Chishu was first in class, and I was only in second, occasionally slipping to third, fourth, or fifth, depending on my mood. I had better social skills than him and was quite popular among teachers and classmates.

Yes, otherwise how could Li Chishu have secretly liked me for ten years?

Now that I think about it, I've known him for over ten years, but I can't really say we knew each other. In senior high school, Li Chishu was just a name to me, someone I knew existed in our grade. I remember he once walked past me and I didn't even recognize him.

After all, as a high and mighty person, I hadn't really paid attention to anyone else.

I excelled at maintaining a good image, showing respect and enthusiasm towards my teachers, and getting along well with my classmates. However, deep down, I think no one can compare to me. I thought that Shen Baoshan was a person who existed in heaven but was nonexistent on earth[1].

[1] It implies that something or someone is so exceptional, extraordinary, or perfect that it belongs in a realm beyond the ordinary world. It suggests that the object or person is of such high quality or beauty that it is rare to encounter anything like it in the mortal realm.

Now the one who truly existed in heaven but was nonexistent on earth[2], is Li Chishu.

[2] Used in a literal sense, since LC is already in heaven and is non-existent on earth.

Shen Baoshan, acting all high and mighty.

No one had come to Li Chishu's funeral. His parents had died when he was even younger than he had been at the time, crushed by cement and bricks at a construction site, which had destroyed the backbone of the family. His mother had gone to protest and ended up jumping off a building, leaving behind a grown son who had only relied on a meager amount of compensation money since he was seven years old. Two years ago, I had accompanied him to bury his grandmother, who had been suffering from dementia for years. I hadn't informed his colleagues or friends, but then again, I had never heard him mention having any friends in all those years.

I was mentally prepared for it, but I never expected it to be this lonely.

It was only then that I realized I had come too late.

No matter how lush the tree of Shen Baoshan had been, it couldn't ultimately save Li Chishu's barren life.

I sat beside his memorial portrait in my finest suit, gazing at his black and white face silently recounting. Over the years, Shen Baoshan missed every glance of Li Chishu.

Li Chishu and I entered the same senior school at the age of fifteen[3]. I was in Class 21, while he was in Class 25. As I mentioned earlier, during those three years we were in the same school, I had no impression of him whatsoever.

[3] In China's educational system, their senior high school starts at grades 10-12.

At that time, Shen Baoshan's ego was sky high. He believed that while someone might be better than him in one aspect; it was impossible for someone to be better than him in all aspects combined.

That's why he never paid any attention to the name Li Chishu.

But according to Li Chishu, he knew me even earlier than I knew him.

I asked him how early, but he refused to tell me.

My next impression of him was at university. I was the type of person who would go wherever the fun was, and when I started studying at a university, the first thing I did before the semester even began was join a group of people from my hometown.

We had school team building and a private gathering for a meal. I heard from someone that there was another student from the neighboring College of Architecture and Civil Engineering, who was also from our province. His name is Li Chishu, and he's quite attractive. However, he had a withdrawn personality and didn't join the same hometown group.

I acted on impulse and I contacted a senior high school classmate for his contact information, sent him a WeChat request, and he accepted it within five minutes.

I was so lazy that I didn't even bother to say hello. I thought that since my name had been shown in the friend request, Li Chishu wouldn't have accepted it if he didn't know who I was.

So I just said, "Come and eat. "

After a while, he asked, "What?"

At this point, my initial enthusiasm had completely disappeared, and I replied to him with boredom. "Same hometown group team building, gate 3, waiting at a hot pot restaurant. Come and eat."

He didn't respond.

After half an hour, he unexpectedly showed up late.

But he wasn't the type of person who could liven up the atmosphere. He would sit on the corner, burying his head in his food and not joining in the conversation. Even when someone complimented him, he would just blush and smile. Only when I asked him if he wanted to drink did he nod. Later, Li Chishu told me that he felt very uncomfortable during that meal, feeling like an unnecessary extra, and was very disappointed.

I asked him if he regretted going.

He thought for a moment, then smiled and said that if there was another chance, he would still probably go even if it meant thickening his face.

That was the first intersection between his and my life paths.

At that time, Li Chishu had already been secretly in love with me for four years.

In the following years, specifically in my second year, to put it in today's terms, I was a social butterfly. I could find connections with people from other colleges who were completely unrelated to me through my social media.

At that time, a friend from the College of Architecture and Civil Engineering had asked me to do him a small favor. Basically, his group had offended several members of the university's student union in the past by not cooperating with their activities. As a result, they needed to submit some documents for university matters to the student union for approval, but those people were sure to reject them. He had asked me if I could help.

The student union was a group of people who were very petty and would pick fights over trivial matters. I didn't want to get into this mess, so I asked how many people were in their group first.

When he replied, he said there was a Li Chishu in their group.

My brain had a momentary lapse, and I agreed.

After a few days, Li Chishu contacted me for the first time since we became WeChat friends two years ago. He said he wanted to thank me for helping and invited me to a meal.

I thought it was arranged by his group, so I agreed to the time and place with him. The next day, when I arrived, there was only Li Chishu.

He didn't explain, and I also didn't ask.

This little guy really knows how to eat. He ordered five dishes and didn't drink any alcohol, just two glasses of water. He huffed and puffed as he ate two bowls of rice. I sat across from him, watching him eat with his head down. After finishing the meal and paying the bill in one go, he didn't even clink glasses with me. In the more than half an hour we spent together, he said so few words that I could count them on one hand, and that included the 'bye-bye' he said after we finished eating.

After we got together and recalled this incident, he told me that he stayed awake for half the night that day. He got up at one in the morning and went to the school hospital to buy two packs of digestive pills. He went back and sat in his seat until dawn before he could barely feel comfortable.

Mainly because of these words he had sent me on WeChat, "Do you have time? Can I invite you to a meal this weekend?" had drained all the courage he had saved up over the years, so he only dared to make a desperate gamble.

He didn't have the remaining courage to raise his head and chat with me.

After that, everything naturally fell into place. During our university years, we had a casual relationship, occasionally meeting up. After graduation, I found a job first, and later after chatting with him, I found out that his workplace was quite close to mine. We hit it off and rented a house together. We would often have meals together after work. Whenever I asked him, he always made time for me. Besides that, as long as he's not sleeping, he seems to be making money like crazy.

Until one day when Li Chishu came back from a dinner party, he was very drunk. With slightly red eyes, he knocked on the door of my room. He said that he had three million yuan in savings and asked me if I wanted to try to be with him.

I never had issues relating to money. Three million yuan was nothing to me. But it was very important to Li Chishu, who had had nothing since childhood.

He always felt that he and I were worlds apart, and the only way to climb the ladder to my world was through money. Lots and lots of money.

At that point, it had been more than ten years since I had met Li Chishu.

And there are still three years left before he leaves this world.

I don't understand what caused his illness to suddenly flare up. Maybe it was my agreement to be with him that caused the tight string in his heart to snap, and all the pressure and pain from the past came crashing down, corroding his already empty spiritual world.

At first, he became sluggish. He was always lazy, unwilling to eat, go out, or get out of bed.

Occasionally, he would browse some travel recommendations on his phone and tell me, "I really want to go to Puzhehei[4].

[4] A scenic area located in Qiubei County, Wenshan Zhuang and Miao Autonomous Prefecture, Yunnan Province, China. The area is known for its beautiful landscapes, including karst landforms, lakes, wetlands, and flower fields. It is often described as a paradise for nature lovers and photographers. 

When he said this, I was working on a project plan in front of the computer. Without thinking, I nodded and said, "Okay."

It went in one ear and out the other.

It wasn't until many months later in the winter that I remembered and asked him, "Didn't you want to go to Puzhehei last time?"

He shook his head and smiled. "Forget it."

Not long after that, he began to feel pain in some parts of his body for no apparent reason.

Sometimes it was his arm, sometimes his back, and sometimes his thigh.

Perhaps at that time, his illness wasn't too serious yet, so he was willing to tell me. I took him to the hospital for a check-up, but they found nothing wrong.

I said it wasn't good enough, let's go to another hospital. He stopped me and said, "Forget it."

At the same time, he began to be afraid of the dark, staying up all night, unable to eat, and losing weight rapidly. By the time I found out he was secretly taking medication, Li Chishu had lost weight to 110 catty[5].

[5] Units of weight of China and southeast Asia varying around 11/3 pounds (about 600 grams)

A person who was 1.78 meters tall was reduced to skin and bones.

And then.

And then, on the evening of another day later, I held his urn and wailed loudly, falling asleep in the empty funeral hall.

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When I was woken up by the school bell, I thought I was dreaming or surrounded by a bustling crowd.

The class was very noisy. Everyone was walking out the door. A few people in front changed their uniforms. I guessed that the scene of this dream was a physical education class.

In short, I stood there in a daze for only two seconds before I kicked my legs and rushed towards the door of Class 25.

When I got to Li Chishu's classroom, everyone had already left.

A guy walked out of the balcony with two basketballs in his hands. I recognized him but couldn't remember his name.

I asked him, "Where's Li Chishu?"

He was obviously a little surprised, not sure if he was surprised that I was looking for Li Chishu or surprised that I suddenly spoke to him.

I asked again, "Where's Li Chishu?"

He hesitated for a moment and said, "Downstairs... probably in P.E. class."

I remember that in our senior year, our two classes had the same physical education class.

I always look for teammates from their class to play basketball with.

I was about to run after hearing that.

But the guy threw one of the basketballs in his hand to me. "Your ball!"

I held the ball tightly and ran with three steps per stride, running to the playground like a headless fly, bumping into everything. As I passed by the basketball court, I heard someone calling my name.

But it wasn't Li Chishu's voice.

The voice called out again, "Shen Baoshan! Over here! What are you doing!?"

I took a glance and saw that it was Jiang Chi, calling me over to play basketball.

I ignored him, but this son of a bitch kept shouting.

He even ran over and pulled me towards him.

As he constantly pulled me, I saw Li Chishu.

Across the tennis court, the little scoundrel rabbit was leaning against the unoccupied ping-pong table, memorizing English words.

I shook off Jiang Chi and walked straight towards the ping-pong table under the glaring sun.

Li Chishu was still the same, wearing a white T-shirt and a pair of clean canvas shoes. His nails were trimmed short, and he had a lot of hair that was getting a bit long. He kept his head down, and the stray hair in front of his forehead almost made it impossible for me to see his eyes.

I slowed down as I walked closer and closer to Li Chishu, and when I was a few meters away from him, I inexplicably threw the basketball in my hand, which landed right at his feet.

Li Chishu's feet moved slightly, and then he looked up at me.

I took a deep breath and looked at him coldly.

"Hello, Li Chishu."

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