Old Wounds, New Growth - Chapter 27. 2
Translator: Deyonna *unedited
As I put down my phone, Li Chishu also slowly began to descend.
"Take it slow." I extended my arms in a protective gesture, even though Li Chishu was still two people's height away from the ground.
He descended using the safety rope and landed on the ground. After taking off the safety gear, he waited to see the photo I took of him.
"Look." I passed him the phone to see.
Li Chishu took a deep breath and looked at the photo seriously. He smiled and said, "My hair is all messy.”
"This is proof of your bravery." I draped a coat over him and pulled him close, walking back. "Let's go and eat.”
Li Chishu's energy plummeted after intermittent bursts of strength. The barbecue was greasy, and he didn't eat much of it, but he was very interested in the dessert Jiang Chi had ordered for him.
I unintentionally glanced at the ingredients at the bottom of the bowl and took a closer look. It turned out that in addition to coconut milk, there was also a thick layer of crushed ice under the mango and glutinous rice.
Given the cold weather at the moment, under normal circumstances, I might have allowed Li Chishu to indulge in a few bites. However, he had just sweated and was sitting outside. It was also the first day of his cold. I was not very reassured, so I took a spoon and scooped out all the crushed ice from the bottom of his bowl.
Li Chishu looked at my actions intently, with a hint of reluctance.
"I know that eating something cold when you're sick can feel soothing for your throat, but it's not good for you," I interrupted his thoughts, touching the bowl. I realized that even without the crushed ice, the coconut milk in the bowl was still cool. I decided to get up and go to the service counter. "Wait for me for a moment.”
The dessert was ordered by Jiang Ci for delivery, and it couldn't be remade at the bar so I asked the waiter for a basin of hot water instead.
Because I was afraid that bringing it back would make Li Chishu feel tempted, I simply sat by the floor-to-ceiling window after placing the dessert bowl in the basin of hot water and planned to wait until it was warm enough before returning.
Who knew that just as soon as I sat down for less than five minutes, Li Chishu leaned against the glass sliding door behind me and poked his head out. "Shen Baoshan?”
When I heard his voice, I turned around and saw him. I waved my hand to signal him to come over.
Li Chishu ran over and sat across from me. "What are you doing?"
I rested my face on my hands and stared boredly at the dessert bowl floating in the basin. "Warming it up for you"
This seemed to make Li Chishu feel a little guilty, as he carefully said to me, "Actually, when I get sick in the winter before, there were many times when I was very thirsty in the middle of the night and didn't have time to boil water, so I drank cold water.”
He specifically pointed at the bowl and added, "Much colder than this.”
I looked up at him, meeting his gaze.
"That's not what I meant." Li Chishu became even more uneasy. "What I meant was... this doesn't need to be warmed up, it won't make much of a difference.”
"The difference may not be significant, but it's still there," I placed my arms on the table and said softly, "Why settle for something that's not warm when you can patiently wait for it to warm up? It was inconvenient for you before, but now Shen Baoshan can be someone you can order around.”
Li Chishu clearly didn't agree with this statement. "What do you mean by being ordered around..."
"I was just joking," I smiled and placed my hand on the edge of the basin. The water was still hot, indicating that the dessert hadn't warmed up yet. So I withdrew my arm and rested my chin on it, slowly speaking to Li Chishu, "Li Chishu, don't rush through everything just because you're used to being alone. It's okay to let things slide except for the important matters. We have to eat every day, so it's fine to compromise on a meal once in a while. If there's too much work, it's okay to stay up a little longer today and make up for it later. Since you're already sick, a few bites of ice won't make much difference, so indulge yourself a bit. But no, Li Chishu. Our bodies have memories, and the things you've been careless about may seem insignificant, but a person's ability to love oneself often gradually diminishes from these neglected minor details. Over time, you won't know how to love yourself anymore.”
"Of course," I said, "some people are just not good at loving themselves, but that's okay because there will always be someone else who will love them.”
Li Chishu remained silent, and I wasn't sure if he understood. After a moment of contemplation, I began to tell him about the past, “I used to have a friend, um... a few years older than me. His boyfriend was always sick, or rather, constantly suffering from various ailments and never took good care of himself. Whenever my friend wasn't paying attention, his boyfriend would let his life become a mess. There was one time when he was on a business trip. He had prepared two or three days' worth of ingredients in the fridge. His boyfriend could have easily cooked decent meals at home. But when he returned, he found that only a bit of salad had been touched in the fridge. That person was very perfunctory about his meals, only eating from the fridge when he felt like it.”
Li Chishu said, "Well, that's not very good. Even if he's too lazy to cook, he could go out to eat. He shouldn't go hungry.”
I shook my head. "It's not just laziness. His boyfriend is simply unwell, lacking the energy to live a proper life. If he could, he also wouldn't want to be this way.”
Li Chishu didn't say a word, so I continued, "My friend also understood that, but because his boyfriend had done this so many times, there is a limit to one's patience. So that time, he got angry and lost temper and had a big argument. He even said some harsh words, like…”
I imitated my fierce tone from back then and said, "From now on, even if you don't eat for three days and starve to death, I won't bother to take care of you!”
"And then what happened?" Li Chishu asked.
"And then," I chuckled, "he rolled up his sleeves and rushed to the kitchen to cook a steaming bowl of noodles filled with meat. He placed it in front of his boyfriend with a loud thud on the table and said, 'Eat it if you like!'”
Li Chishu suddenly laughed, then said, "It's like what a mother would do to her child.”
"Indeed," I said, stirring the hot water in the basin and gazing at the floating bowl. "Love is universal in certain aspects. Friends, parents, and romantic partners are all referred to as 'loved ones.' The role of loved ones is to use their strength to mend the wounds left on us from certain moments in the past—just like how a meteor impact leaves behind craters on the surface of a planet that cannot heal on their own, waiting for someone else to discover them. For example, in the case of my friend, his boyfriend had already lost the ability to heal when they met, so he needed my friend to love him.”
I put down my hands and said, "Throughout our lives, we will encounter a few loved ones, more or less. Some may come earlier, some may come later, but they will always come. Perhaps they just haven't found their way yet. Even a mother may take half her life to learn how to love her own child correctly, isn't that right?”
Li Chishu didn't have a chance to respond. I shifted the conversation and leaned in, propping my elbows on the table to meet his eyes. "So, Li Chishu, have you ever blamed me... for arriving too late?”
Li Chishu looked hesitant, gazing at me for a while before finally answering, "N-No at all.”
I confirmed it again. "Not at all?”
This time, Li Chishu answered firmly. "Not at all.”
"That's good." I sat back down, on one hand testing the temperature of the dessert on the other hand lowering my eyes and joking, as if the previous conversation had never happened. "I have loved you for a long time, Li Chishu. Set foot on the ground soon.”
He seemed to understand but not understand, so he didn't know how to respond. I took the glass bowl out of the hot cooling basin, wiping the bottom dry before pushing it towards him. "Before you set foot on the ground, have a taste of this warm dessert from your loved one."
January 31st, Cloudy
Seems like I caught a cold. If the low-grade fever continues tomorrow, I should go and buy some medicine.
The grandma downstairs gave me a bowl of braised pork. She said she made it herself and had some leftovers, so she gave it to me. It’s very fragrant, especially when paired with rice. I had it throughout the day. Thank you, grandma.
I hope the weather gets warmer soon. I don't want it to get any colder.
January 31st, Cloudy
I didn't write too many papers today. I feel a bit dizzy, but thankfully I listened to Shen Baoshan's advice and didn't eat that bowl of ice.
Shen Baoshan doesn't want to go back to his home, saying that I don't take good care of myself. But I'm worried about infecting him, so I hope he doesn't sleep too close to me tonight.
I wonder what Shen Baoshan is like when he's sick.
He said he rarely gets sick. When he's sick, his family must have taken good care of him, which is why he knows how to take care of sick people so well.
In the future, when he's not feeling well, I will also take good care of him.
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