Old Wounds, New Growth - Chapter 18

Translator: Deyonna

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Autumn always seems to be very short. October passed in the blink of an eye, and the school grounds were filled with fallen leaves of Chinese parasol trees, their branches thinning. And the weather has finally turned cold.

Li Chishu still wore his autumn school uniform all day long, with the zipper pulled up to the top. The sleeves and waist were always a bit loose, making it hard to tell how many layers of clothing he had underneath.

I finally received almost a hundred warmer patches[1] that I asked someone to mail from Japan shortly after the temperature dropped. In this era, apart from Li Chishu, who is within reach, everything else is not very convenient. However, the first point alone is enough for me to endure all the discomfort brought by the disparity in living conditions.

[1] Also called warm babies. They're attached to the clothes to warm up during winter.

For example, if I want to see him, I can only rely on my legs to walk there—navigating through the city traffic. This prolonged anticipation caused by the inability to use video calls for communication makes me feel that longing is also very tender.

I carried a large shopping bag and an insulation box that I grabbed from home, just like usual, and went to school on Saturday afternoon to find Li Chishu. Inside the bag, there were a hundred warmer patches, a down jacket, a sweater, and a four-legged monster that would start shouting at the sight of Li Chishu.

I specifically went to the mall last weekend to pick out clothes for Li Chishu. They are the same style as the ones I'm wearing, but in a different color. After I made my selection, I asked the sales assistant to bring a smaller size for Li Chishu. However, they were out of stock at that time, so I had to wait for a week before they finally brought in the right size for Li Chishu.

As it was almost mealtime, Li Chishu stood at the entrance of the school building with his backpack, holding a small booklet for grammar. While reciting, he eagerly looked towards the school gate. As soon as he saw me approaching, he stopped looking down at the words and waited patiently, without shifting his gaze until I stood in front of him.

Potato popped out from the bag, but I quickly pressed it back down. Li Chishu reached out to catch it, but I took the opportunity to place the insulation box in his hand. "Eat first, then pet the dog."

Li Chishu held the insulation box in his arms, reluctantly shifting his gaze away from Potato. "Oh."

As we walked, he asked, "What did you bring with you?"

Li Chishu's curiosity and desire to explore the outside world have gradually sprouted, perhaps due to him becoming more familiar with me. In any case, he wouldn't have taken the initiative to ask such a question on his own two months ago.

I simply switched the bag to my other hand and hid it behind my back. I pinched his earlobe. "Let's talk after we finish eating."

Li Chishu had a good appetite today. He didn't have much left of his main meal, and he finished the fruits and the mixed grains as well. As I packed up the lunch boxes, I noted down the dishes he enjoyed today, thinking about when I go back, I should thank the aunt at home and let her prepare more dishes with similar flavors.

Li Chishu eagerly ran to wash his hands and, without hesitation, he squatted in front of the bag and reached out to pick up Potato.

Potato's front paws were already clinging to the edge of the bag, barking out continuously, eagerly waiting to jump into Li Chishu's arms.

I picked up the bag a second before the man and the dog embraced each other and pulled Li Chishu out of the cafeteria. "Let's go somewhere first."

The last cubicle in the restroom on the first floor of the school building is a level ground without a squat toilet. This is because it is adjacent to the lecture hall, and school leaders may visit the school for inspections at any time. As a result, the restrooms on this floor are very spacious, bright, and clean. They are scented with incense 24 hours a day.

When Li Chishu was brought to the cubicle, he was in a daze, stuck against the wall and motionless.

"Move a bit closer." I half-crouched and waved to him. "Will I eat you?"

Li Chishu slowly approached, and I took out a warmer patch from the bottom of the bag. I waved it towards his clothes and raised my chin at the hem of his clothes. "Lift it."

Li Chishu touched the hem of his clothes but didn't make any further movements.

"I didn't ask you to lift it all." I thought that he might be afraid that I would look at his bruises like the last time, so I smiled and said, "Just lift it up and get to the innermost layer."

I waved the warmer patch in my hand and said, "I'll give this to you to paste."

Li Chishu still held onto his clothes and asked curiously, "What is that?"

"It's a warmer patch," I said. "Let me show you how to paste it, and you can take it back with you to use at night."

"This is a warmer patch?"

"Yes."

Li Chishu bent down, seemingly very interested. "We also have a classmate who uses them in our class."

I said, "And you still don't know what this is?"

"I've only heard them talk about using it, but I haven't seen it myself." He extended his finger to touch it, but then retracted it before he could touch it. "Is it really warm?"

"You'll know if it's warm or not once you paste it." I tore open the adhesive side of the warmer patch and gestured for him to roll up his clothes. "Come on."

He hesitated for a moment before slowly lowering his head and lifting up his clothes, layer by layer.

It was only then that I realized why he was reluctant to lift up his own clothes.

Li Chishu's way of resisting the winter is quite rough. He simply puts on every warm piece of clothing he can think of: inside his winter school uniform was a shrunken and pilling sweater. After being worn for many years, it has lost its shape and is covered in unevenly distributed holes. Underneath the sweater was a knitted vest with the bottom button missing, revealing another layer of olive green fabric—this was his father's shirt that Li Chishu wore as pajamas during the summer, which later got replaced by another one I gave him, so this one became his winter undershirt.

The final layer was his summer school uniform. Li Chishu lifted the layers of clothes and eagerly waited for me to paste a warmer patch on his summer school uniform.

He didn't show any signs of discomfort, so I assumed that he was simply reluctant to lift his clothes because he found it bothersome. I naturally didn't show any concern about it. I just lowered my head and picked up the second piece of warmer patch and almost dropped it. I struggled a few times to tear off the adhesive on the other side.

Yes, I have been taking care of this person quite well for a short while now. He looks at me with such radiant eyes every day, which almost makes me forget that Li Chishu hasn't had anyone teach him how to dress or eat since he was seven years old.

"Alright." I took a deep breath. "Turn around, and I'll paste another one."

With the warmer patches applied, Li Chishu let go of his clothes and lowered his head to look at his stomach. Then, he turned around to glance at his back and murmured, "I don't feel much difference."

"Just wait a moment." I turned around and took out a down jacket from the bag. I stood up and shook it a bit. "Take off your clothes."

"Ah?"

"Take them off," I said. "Leave only the last layer, take off the rest."

Li Chishu obeyed and did as he was told.

His school bag was already hanging on the hook on the wall so it couldn't hold the few pieces of clothing he took off. I reached out and took them, then handed him the down jacket. "Try this one."

Li Chishu first glanced at the tag of the jacket with strings of German text, unable to understand them. He met my gaze, pursed his lips, and then grabbed the clothes and put them on.

"That looks good." I folded Li Chishu's pile of clothes on my arm and placed them in the shopping bag. I walked closer and zipped up his jacket. "Wear this jacket and layer a short-sleeved shirt underneath. It'll keep you warm. The more layers you add, the colder will it be, you know?"

I wasn't sure if he was listening or not.

Li Chishu hesitated for a few seconds, his fingers resting on the zipper. He wanted to take it off, but didn't dare to take it off. He then tried to test my attitude. "Actually... with just the warmer patch, I don't feel cold anymore..."

I pretended not to understand. "Really?"

Li Chishu nodded.

If I were to continue along with his topic, Li Chishu would promptly take off the down jacket and start layering his old sweater back on, one layer at a time.

There's no way I would give him that opportunity.

"But this jacket was a buy one get one free deal at the shopping mall." I reached into the middle compartment of the shopping bag and stuffed Potato into Li Chishu's arms. I effortlessly came up with a white lie. "There's only one size available, and neither my dad nor I can fit into it. I even cut off the tags and paid for it. Returning it would be like giving money to the shop. If you don't wear it, nobody else will."

I took his backpack and slung it over my shoulder. "If it really doesn't work, can you return the goose feathers inside to the goose?"[2]

[2] Down jackets are filled with duck or goose feathers.

Li Chishu couldn't help but smile and followed me out of the bathroom, holding Potato and taking small steps behind me. Then he gently called out to me, "Shen Baoshan."

"What's wrong?"

He stayed silent for a long time before stepping forward and looking up at me. "I know that what you've given me, it's not really what you said it was."

I lowered my eyes and raised my lips.

He seemed afraid that I would come up with new excuses to deceive him, so he quickly spoke again.

Whenever Li Chishu spoke with seriousness, he would become slow, stuttering with each word as if every word weighed heavily on him. "I know. You... you want to take care of my emotions. I understand that you want to be thoughtful. But… but you can also trust me."

It took a lot of courage for him to say such words. Li Chishu paused for a moment before continuing, "Actually, my self-esteem isn't that fragile. You can… openly tell me. I won't be so sensitive, and I won't reject you. I will remember everything you gave me. And in the future… in the future, I will slowly give it to you in the way you want… just like how you care for me."

"Li Chishu." I stopped in my tracks and slightly lowered myself to face him. "Words without actions are not convincing."

"I won't," he said. "I—"

"How about we make a written agreement?" I interrupted him.

Li Chishu was caught off guard. "Ah?"

"Let's make a written agreement," I repeated. "On it, we'll write: Li Chishu hereby promises that everything given by Shen Baoshan today can be requested back in the future in any way except for monetary compensation. For example, agreeing to do something for him unconditionally."

Li Chishu actually dared to hesitate.

He tactfully reminded me, "Murder and arson…"

"...Excluding any illegal or immoral actions!" I hate iron for not becoming steel[3]. "Is that okay?"

[3]to feel resentful towards sb for failing to meet expectations and impatient to see improvement (idiom)

"En!" He agreed quickly this time. "I'll write it and give it to you tomorrow."

"That won't do."

"Ah?"

"Write it now." I put down his backpack. "Find some paper and a pen, and write it immediately."

"......"

Li Chishu finished writing the agreement, I held it in my hand and looked at it back and forth toward the distant setting sun, just like someone examining real and counterfeit money on TV, making sure it was a promise written in black and white[4] that wouldn't disappear. Then, with a sense of satisfaction, I tucked it into my pocket.

[4] Nothing is easier to see than black words written on a piece of white paper. This phrase refers to some document or evidence that is as plain as daylight, or some truth that no one can deny. It emphasizes the authenticity of something.

Li Chishu wanted to say something but hesitated. "Shen Baoshan?"

"Speak."

"Are you... already planning what you want me to do?" He repeatedly rubbed Potato’s head, almost making the yellow hair on top of it shine. "That's why you made me write this."

"Not yet," I said. "I'll take my time to think about what you need to do, so I can gain back the cost."

Li Chishu smiled and said, "With so many things you gave, it must be a big one for you to gain back the cost."

"It is indeed a big one." I leaned in, pretending to be mysterious, and waited for a moment before saying, "For example... living well."

He burst into laughter. "What kind of task is living well?"

"Is living well can't be regarded as a task?" I shifted my gaze away, looking towards the distant sunset. Staring directly at the sunlight made my eyes suddenly feel sore.

"Living well is indeed a top priority." I smiled, which seemed like not a smile. "Li Chishu, merely living for a day doesn't qualify as living well. You have to accompany me to dress and eat for the rest of your life, so as to not break your promise."

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November 16th, Sunny

It's so cold. Even wearing two sweaters doesn't seem to help.

If I wear cotton-padded clothes now, what will I do when it gets even colder?

Let's endure it for another two weeks and see.

November 16th, Sunny

Potato seemed to have grown bigger. I can barely hide it with just one arm.

Shen Baoshan brought me a lot of warmer patches. He told me to stick them on my body when I feel cold while sleeping. Such a small thing, but it can warm up my whole body.

He also brought me a piece of clothing. I can wear a short-sleeved shirt underneath it and not feel cold anymore. I wonder what it's made of. Shen Baoshan said it was a down jacket. Was his clothing from two years ago like this too? No wonder I still felt cold even when wearing thick layers of clothes. It turns out that all I need is a thin piece of clothing.

Shen Baoshan also asked me to write an agreement. Is it really enough to write just one thing? Cooking, making coffee, and watching the aurora are already three things. He could ask me to write many more things, and no matter how many, I would agree with them. But it seems like he doesn't believe in what I say.

It's useless to write about many things for him now. I'll write him new ones in the future. I'll write a hundred things.

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Translator's Corner: Sorry for the late update. Got a cold so I was catching up with my rest.

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