Old Wounds, New Growth - Chapter 29. 1
Translator: Deyonna
I will forever remember the look in Li Chishu's eyes when he first stepped into the piano room on the third floor.
That day was the end of the month after the college entrance exam, and the school allowed the senior high school students to choose the day to come back to school to pick up their printed transcripts.
I checked my scores online. Li Chishu and I were only three points apart, so getting into the same university or even the same major was not a big problem. After we each got our transcripts from our respective classes, the only thing we needed to discuss was what time to go home tonight - both classes had privately organized graduation parties, and we planned to have dinner first, and then there would be other activities after dinner. Li Chishu and I were not in the same class, and we were going to different locations.
"They said... after dinner, we're going to KTV." Li Chishu was twirling a gardenia that he had gotten from somewhere in his hand. He seemed eager to share more with me but hesitated, his eyes shining with the anticipation to go.
"You want to go?" I asked.
He looked down at the flower. "Luo Ke said she hopes I can go with everyone."
Before I could respond, he probably realized that I might not know who Luo Ke was, so he handed me the flower and pointed, saying, "It's... the female classmate who gave me the flower. After the college entrance exam, she gave one to everyone in the class, but I wasn't there, so she specially brought one for me today."
How could I not know Luo Ke? She was one of the few friends Li Chishu had in his previous life.
In Li Chishu's memories, during those moments when the water was deep, and the fire was scorching[1], nearly drowning him in suffering, there were always gentle waves that buoyed him towards the shore, and it was these waves that allowed him to persist and live for nearly thirty years. Most of the people who gave him strength in those moments had vague names: the grandmother downstairs, the senior high school homeroom teacher, the classmate he worked part-time with, the cafeteria auntie who told him to eat more, the dormitory manager who kept the light on for him during the Lunar New Year... And among those names he could recall, there was a friend named "Luo Ke."
[1] Abyss of suffering
"She's a very good person." I took the flower in his hand and leaned against the railing in the hallway, gazing out at the clear blue sky. "She's always been good to you."
"She's good to everyone." Li Chishu and I held onto the railing together. Then he laughed and said, "This is the first time someone has invited me."
"Then you should definitely go." I leaned in, rested my head on my arm, and looked into Li Chishu’s eyes. Agreeing with his idea of going, I added, "Li Chishu, you need to go to more of these places to make more friends."
He did not deny it. Li Chishu not denying meant that he also agreed.
"What about you?" he asked. "Where is your class going?"
"We’re probably going to eat at Dayue Hall, and after dinner, we might go to KTV or an internet cafe - they really like to go to internet cafes."
Especially Jiang Chi.
Li Chishu: "That—"
"After I finish eating, I’ll come find you." I took the initiative before he could even ask. I bent down to ask, "Your class doesn’t mind having one more person, right?"
Li Chishu quickly shook his head. "It’s fine."
He said, "They know you and I… are pretty close and they said if you want to come along, you’d be very welcome too."
"Pretty close?" I asked to confirm. "What are we?"
Li Chishu’s hand on his leg started to fidget with his pants.
"Hmm…"
After burying his head for a long while, Li Chishu finally squeezed out a mosquito-like whisper. "Luo Ke asked... I just said... we were... in…"
"I can’t hear."
Li Chishu’s ears turned bright red, not knowing where to put his hands. "In... in…"
"If you can’t say it clearly, I won’t go."
"... in a relationship."
I finally forced the second half of the sentence out of him.
I flattened the corner of my mouth before Li Chishu could look up, but I couldn’t hide the smile in my voice. "Well, if we’re together, then we’re together. Did you burn your tongue? Or do I need to make a public confession scene for you?"
Li Chishu let out a long sigh. Those few words had already drained all of his shame, so now, no matter how I teased him, he resolutely remained silent.
I pinched his ear and timely stopped[2] teasing him. "Alright then. Send me the address later."
[2]To know when to stop
Li Chishu was still unwilling to look up, just nodding his head. "En."
"Stop that." I don’t know whether to laugh or cry. I grabbed his hand, which was busily fidgeting, and placed the flower back in his palm. "Keep tugging at those pants, and you’ll end up pulling the thread out of them."
From the top of his head, I gently ran my fingers along the side of his face. "Hurry, your homeroom teacher is calling you about something."
I actually didn’t have to go to Li Chishu’s graduation party, but it would be better to be there and keep an eye on things than to have some unexpected situation arise.
For example, drinking.
A graduating class is mostly of legal age, and it's not a big deal for 17 or 18-year-olds to have a few drinks after finally graduating. When I graduated from senior high school, I got totally wasted with Jiang Chi and the others and ended up sleeping through the night in the private room at the bar. But Li Chishu can't handle that.
Those years, due to his health condition, he rarely drank. The few times he tried to numb himself with alcohol, the effects were less than satisfactory - maybe the amount wasn't enough, or the alcohol wasn't strong enough. He had never actually gotten drunk. The more he tried to numb his nerves, the more pain in his body made him sober, and it even kept him awake throughout the night.
The last time he threw a bottle of liquor at home in the trash can, he said he would never drink it again, and joked with me with a bit of temper. "This thing makes life worse than death."
I know that Li Chishu today is still in his prime years, and alcohol may only bring him the carefree joy of youth, without the pains that will eventually take root in his heart. But—
Protecting Li Chishu has to start from a young age.
So, the resentful Jiang Chi, whom I had forcefully pulled away from the path to the internet cafe - what can I do, his mom had specifically called and asked me to watch over him and prevent him from going to the internet cafe - took one glance at Li Chishu and deliberately chose to retaliate. From the start, he seized every opportunity to pour alcohol for Li Chishu.
Whenever Li Chishu lost at dice, pour him a drink. If Li Chishu couldn't guess right at rock-paper-scissors, pour him a drink. Whenever Li Chishu got stuck in a card game, he would pour him a drink the next second.
In the end, when I had finished blocking two rounds for Li Chishu and was going to the toilet, the beer mug on the table was filled up again.
I gritted my teeth and glared at Jiang Chi.
"What are you looking at me for?" Jiang Chi wasn't able to play a game, so he was now like a barefooted person unafraid of those wearing shoes[3] and had the attitude of a dead pig not afraid of boiling water[4]. "You go ask Li Chishu yourself, see if he's willing to drink!"
[3]Those who don't have anything to lose are not afraid of anything
[4]to be unaffected
Li Chishu probably sensed that I wasn't happy about him drinking, and although he didn't give a direct response, he turned his head and gave me a slightly probing look.
I let out a forced laugh, went over, and put my arm around Li Chishu’s neck, taking the opportunity to pinch his earlobe with my fingertips. "Go ahead and drink if you want to. What are you looking at me for? People might think your husband is extremely strict, not letting you have even a drop of alcohol."
Jiang Chi, seated across from us, rolled his eyes.
Li Chishu raised his hand and held onto the back of my hand. "Really?"
I glanced at the full beer mug in front of him. "Really."
Li Chishu reached out his hand to grab the glass.
"Wait, a moment."
I withdrew my arm from around his shoulder, took the beer from his hand, and downed more than half the glass in one go, leaving just about the depth of half a finger’s worth of liquid. I then put the glass back in his hand. "Drink."
Jiang Chi: ……
Li Chishu: ……
It was the first time I had seen a speechless and almost resentful expression on the face of eighteen-year-old Li Chishu.
Ha. I leaned back casually against the sofa and urged in a magnanimous expression. "If you can’t finish it, don’t force yourself. I’ll help you drink it."
Jiang Chi, on the side, gnashed his teeth. "That’s enough——"
Li Chishu looked down at the beer mug, then quietly held the glass and tilted his head back to drink the rest of the alcohol.
I watched his every move closely, and only after he put down the glass and wiped his mouth did I ask, "How do you feel?"
Li Chishu seemed to sense the bit of tension I was suppressing, and his gaze roamed between my eyes for a couple of seconds before he replied seriously, "A bit spicy."
"That’s all?" I asked, "No discomfort?"
Jiang Chi’s voice came again. "That’s—enough—"
I ignored him, only seeing Li Chishu shake his head, then he thoughtfully said to me, "I think I could have a bit more."
"No more drinking." I picked up his backpack and gave Jiang Chi a meaningful glance. "It’s getting late. Potato must be missing you."
"Oh, Potato." Upon hearing the word, Li Chishu didn’t think twice about going home.
When we got home, Li Chishu played with Potato for over half an hour before going to take a shower. Jiang Chi and I played two games, and it was only after I sent Jiang Chi off that I noticed Li Chishu sitting on the hanging chair hammock in the hallway outside the game room, lost in thought.
"What are you thinking about?"
I sat down next to him, causing the hammock to sink. Li Chishu snapped back to reality, gazed at me with hesitation, and suddenly asked, "Shen Baoshan, when you were a child … what were you like?"
"When I was a child?" I thought for a moment. "The photo frame on our bedside table. That’s me when I was little, the one you’ve seen."
Li Chishu realized he hadn't expressed himself clearly enough, waving his hand aimlessly in the air. "I meant... your childhood."
I understood what he was asking about.
Li Chishu's curiosity about all aspects of the world always starts with Shen Baoshan. Shen Baoshan's three meals a day, Shen Baoshan's four emotions [5], Shen Baoshan's principles, Shen Baoshan's habits, Shen Baoshan's goals, and Shen Baoshan's past. It seems that as long as he understands Shen Baoshan, he will have the courage to explore other unknowns in the world.
[5]Four types of human emotions, namely: happiness 歡喜|欢喜[huān xĭ], anger 憤怒|愤怒[fèn nù], sorrow 悲哀[bēi āi] and joy
"My childhood..." I pushed off the ground with my foot, causing the hanging chair hammock to sway. "You let me think about it."
My gaze drifted from the ceiling down to the room at the end of the hallway, right next to the garden - that was my piano room, a place that had been rarely visited since I graduated from senior high school.
"Let me show it to you directly." I took Li Chishu's hand and led him away from the hanging chair, towards the end of the hallway. "Once you see it, you'll know."
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